dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
