I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
