i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
