If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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