so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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