True but thats because hes a fetus.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
