I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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