Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
