I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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