the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
