Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
