if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
