I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
