Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
