i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
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