I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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