I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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