so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So much Jack, so little girl.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
