I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
