my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
