Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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