I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
