we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
