is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
