apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
