I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
