Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
