He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
