i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
