You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
