How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
