I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
