he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
