i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
