I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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