Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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