maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
