Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
