Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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