yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
