worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
