im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
