im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
