You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
