wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
