when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
