I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
