Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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