So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
When are your genitals available?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
