I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
